My Self Love Journey Postpartum

Loving myself postpartum was harder than I thought. Why? Because I wasn’t the women I loved before I had kids....

Here’s why, I’m now a mom. The title brings me so much joy. But it also means I have changed physically emotionally and mentally. Physically my body has stretched, grown and gained weight. Emotionally I’m feeling things like love, fear, stress, anxiety and depression in ways I had never felt before. And lastly mentally because well I now always have a tiny human to put first. Yes I have to think of me too. But I have to keep another human alive and well and they solely depend on me for surviving.

So as the woman I had to learn to love changed I had to fall back in love with her. Adjusting to the emotional and mental parts of the “new me” wasn’t as hard as the physical. Emotionally I did struggle with the anxiety and depression parts. But the amount of love and bond you get which your child wasn’t hard to adjust to. It seemed natural and fulfilling and calming in a way. This made the up and down emotions easier. The mentality side of the “new me” wasn’t hard to love either. The hardest struggle was physically. My body grew not one but two humans. I have gained weight and lost it, gotten stretch marks, saggy skin, a c section scar and lost hair postpartum. I guess in some naive way I didn’t expect these things. I assumed my body would “snap back” as they say.

I hated looking in the mirror, taking photos with my kids and wearing pretty much any clothing. I even bought a bikini for our trip to Bermuda thinking that would force myself to love my body. Well it didn’t work, I’m not surprised. I just always felt ugly and changed. Sometimes I would hate myself more for blaming my kids for these changes. How can I love two babies so much but hate myself so much more? Like I said this was the biggest problem for me.

I started reading self love posts, blogs and books. Following moms who lift others up for these changes. This helped me realize I’m not the only one. I can love myself. It took me about a year to do so. I finally looked at myself in a mirror and cried. I forgave myself for saying hurtful things and I promised not to get so hard on myself. I fell in love with her again. My over stretched saggy stomach. No it’s not the typical models look. But it’s perfect! It grew two babies, one being just over 10 pounds! It nurtured two kids. It was cut open twice to bring life into the world. Most importantly it allowed me to become a mom and start the biggest and best journey of my life so far. So I may not have the flat perfect tummy they post in magazines. But I do have a beautiful body that has done and experienced beautiful things!

Even with all that being said, I’m still on my journey to better loving and treating myself. To honour myself and realize how truly amazing I am. It’s a never ending journey but it’s a beautiful one once you find the love for your body and mind. It’s something you cant put a price on, it’s a value of happiness and self worth. It’s love in its truest form. Feeling comfort In my skin has really healed me. It’s something worth investing in!

So if you are on the body positivity journey, this is my little piece of advice. Follow accounts that uplift, unfollow the ones that don’t, read the blogs, listen to the podcasts and practice. You need to take it each step at a time. It didn’t happen overnight. But the end when you can realize your worth, it so rewarding! I promise you that!